2021—Do you know how much I love you?
letter “o”, franz erhard walther
WINNING SUBMISSION:
Hamburger
roasted beef and lettuce
Dumpling
filled with Pork and cabbage
It’s 1:30 in the night
And I want to eat
Steaming hot
Dumpling!
and
Triple layers’
Hamburger!
After wiping my mouth
I will
Continue to think about you
2.
I put all the red things I own in one room.
It felt kind of like a gesture,
or a performance,
of how some see “love”.
…like putting all of your eggs in one basket.
What if that was a new saying?
“Now, don’t go putting all your red things in one room!”
…But, I don’t even own that many red things?
And eggs?
I’ve never really liked them.
I mean, anything too contained makes me nervous.
And that precious shell that guards it from the outside?
I’d rather break it and feel the yoke in my hands.
See the shells fertilizing the ground.
3.
Dear sock,
You usually come to me by surprise, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.
You envelope a part of my body that isn’t hugged often. Sometimes this is necessary (in colder months). And other times it’s an added benefit (like when you allow me to glide over crumbs in my kitchen).
I appreciate that you are a part of a pair. And I promise to keep you together. If your partner ever does stray I assure you, you are just as complete. And if it comes to this I have a few propositions.
- If your threads are tightly knit I can match you with another sock, whose partner has also strayed. This way you can work together, as individuals, to continue the sock mission.
- If there isn’t another partner in sight, you can join a pile of fabrics yet to become sock puppets or appliqués.
- If you are well worn and unable to house all toes fully, I will accompany you to the kitchen to join the cleaning rag collection.
How does all of this sound?
Again, I appreciate your multi-disciplinary labor spanning aesthetics and domestics.
I often try to merge these realms as well.
4.
You found me at a store and brought me home.
You admired me, fed me, kept me warm.
I was your first. We were worried.
Are the conditions right?
Could this last longterm?
I spent much of my time in the kitchen. You would sometimes brush past me on your way to get a drink,
and remember that I too needed sustenance. But not too much.
Like with many things, with too much we drown.
Over time, I lost parts of myself. I began to feel naked, and you took me into the bedroom.
You picked up my discarded pieces. You gathered them and presented them in front of me, like a bouquet.
“These are nothing to be ashamed of”, I remember you saying.
“We grow and we let things go”.
5.
Peony kept weeping, and told 它 that she wished she had not sprouted into this forest. She felt insecure and needed to change. It was difficult for her to keep on walking and she was so afraid of losing 它. Maybe she would leave before 它 lose her and she asked why 它 would like to walk with her. She kept on talking until 它 finally felt annoyed. This time she took forever to calm down. So 它 stopped walking. 它 looked back and saw a gigantic white raptor leaping over 它’s head. The raptor flew across the night sky, and ripped open the black and blur with her mighty claws then landed and hit the leaf mattress without disturbing a single branch. Her huge scythe-like toes piled with blobs of muscles and wrapped with pale blue scales, screamed and sliced through 它’s whole world. A clear jade-marble eye wrapped within the deep pouch of her lizard skull gazed into 它’s cloak, drew a green scar through the woods and vanished in a snowy lightning followed by an echo from the twister of a freezing “skreeeeeeaghh”. After that, 它 was with the plant again, dazed in the black woods.
6.
The Botanist
Maybe the soil is too moist, maybe root rot is setting in.
Plant care has never been my strong suit,
as I have the tendency to overwater.
Plants require a balance of commitment and indifference—
some people call it patience.
Either way, it’s a balance I’ve yet to master.
I envy the botanist,
with enough water, sunlight, soil, and restraint
to will a seed into sprouting.
The botanist who knows when to walk away,
when to trust time,
when to trust herself.
But my heavy hands and soggy tears crush the life out of a simple seedling,
spill every glass on the counter, drop the pot and scatter the dirt,
scoop the seeds from the ground and douse them in saltwater.
Then blame time for moving too slowly,
for the seeds that won’t grow inside my wet clenched hand,
nails digging into palms, tiny half-moons printed on my skin.
I don’t know how to grow plants like a botanist.
I don’t even know any botanists.
I only know sheer will and clasped hands to the heavens, whispering,
“Maybe this one will grow. Let’s try more water.”
7.
Sometimes the seasons blur together
And I forget about childhood oaths
And conversations about boys
And where you lived on your last year of uni
I forget about uncontrollable laughter
And conversations about books
And what we did to celebrate your 19th birthday
I forget about hushed secrets
And conversations about your heart
And who I even was before I met you
I forget about kindred spirits
And conversations about eternity
And why there was a time I didn’t even believe in best friends
Sometimes the seasons blur together
But I always remember Summer
8.
If I could tell you that you were all I thought about this past New Years when I tripped on shrooms you would finally see me. Let me just say so far I love LA but that night I felt joker-energy in the air, so my room became my sanctuary. Avril Lavigne’s “Let Go” played as ladies danced on my walls and I pulled together printer paper from across the room to write about you. I still felt uneasy so I danced into the mirror and jumped through the bed, until I thought back to the twelve New Years grapes. Earlier on the phone I asked if you wish on each grape according to what you’d like to accomplish each month. You told me no, to you each grape was a wish for someone else associated with the month. A grape for other people, people as grapes... Rubbing my first grape clean I thought of my January grandma then my February sister, but I got stuck eating my March grape, trying to figure out how much I love you. I threw up the grapes and kept looking back at the toilet bowl - I saw you there looking up at me.
9.
How will you guide us
across the sea of night,
breaking through dreams,
left rippling behind us
under a starless sky,
so infinite and black,
it lures us up and in-
to further places
the moon swelling with the waves
we drift.
we had never been so lost and serene.
From my knees and into your mouth
a begging or a prayer
my heart jumps up
and out of my chest--
I am left alone.
10.
All My Friends Are Still Alive
Hold
Mouth, remember
Graze
Familiar shoulder
Mouth, remember
Open cackle
Mouth, remember
Shinning eyes
Mouth, remember
Hands
Carrying face
Carving time
Press
Find sternum
Press
Find heart
Press
Inhale
Hold
Hold
11.
i had never seen her look so young
until i saw the sunset
reflecting off her eyes
i only noticed the sky
changed colors
when she happily sighed
lover of sunbeams
filtering
through leaves
and quiet birdsong
in the early dawn
mother
life-giver
mother
my sunlight
i did not pay attention to the night sky
i was transfixed
by the twinkle in her eyes
i only noticed
the stars were falling
when she quietly laughed
lover of the moon
rising
from behind the trees
and of cool breeze
in the late, late dusk
mother
light-giver
mother
my starlight
12.
To see madness and empathize
A tornado full of hallucinations
One might diagnose schizophrenia
My heart aches for Pete Davidson
---
When I asked if you had thought about remedies for isolation
You have found yourself lost in
You told me you tried K2
No
It was accidentally handed to you
K2
Second-highest mountain on Earth
On the Pakistan China border
Plant matter
Synesthesia
13.
you
opened my eyes
I saw you
(of course) but
I never expected you to see me
you laughed
I had never heard a melody so sweet
tiny bells pealing in my ears
is this
it?
is this what I have been waiting for?
I have known loneliness like a well-worn sweater but
is this the day
I cast it off?
you move around the room
you prowl, you prance
you throw your head back, laugh–break
my heart in an instant
you dance
what would they think?
the stares, the questions
am I
prepared?
but look,
look
look at what I see
see how she sways, bends, ripples in the breeze like an exquisite blade of grass
how she smells of childhood and laughter
how she sees me
what does she see?
what do you see?
me, I see
you
and me
14.
Quantumly Entangled
When defining space
We calculate the infinite expanse
The void
The curvature of space and time
And the distance between
Aries and Aquarius
Is like the distance
between the earth and the sun
But in the quantum realm,
space become as unimportant as time
And in a moment the space
between you and I
becomes infinitely small.
Our bodies entangle
The distance intangible
Moving
Curving
Change
Undulating
As one
And potential
Moves from the finite to the infinite
I fold my yesterday into your tomorrow
And I dream of our future’s past
And when I say forever
I mean Infinity + 1
15.
There is an empty room in my heart
after knowing you
overgrown with weeds
interwoven and overlapped
I can't seem to make it orderly anymore
Suddenly I realize
There are no indifferent people in the world
When someone slides gently into the heart
the missing never stops
16.
Breeze blowing
and people bustling
Sea gulls can fly cross the harbor
to see another field of sea
But you cannot hold another girl's hand
because we’ll meet in April someday
then I’ll kiss you under sunlight
17.
Memories passing by like clouds in the sky,
Drifting away, so lovely, please stay
I long to see your perspective,
I long for your embrace
I long to feel free,
to float from this place
To feel weightless
Instead of heavy
And heavenly,
Instead of this
I'm steadily moving,
Gravity pulling my feet to the ground,
But one day know this...
I too, one day will be a cloud
Moving over, and above,
So quiet in sound
Moving so lovely,
And so tenderly
Who's heavenly now?
18.
LOVE AND BLOOD
For this love
that had the taste
of a burgeoning passion,
of a blushing child.
Someone let out
a silent cry,
someone stole
the yarn. And now?
The blood shed
will touch your cheek
as bear tears
mark your face.
You will keep the grudge
where your heart lives,
until a light glows
to heal your pain.
19.
you are strawberry sunshine
the warmth on my skin
as I lay in the grass
eyes closed
you dance through my mind
twirling, swirling, stirring up
middle school giggle
blushing cheeks
a flutter in my heart
you are the beginning
from which the water flows
and I see you in everything –
even nothing
your smile makes me float
your tears are the most beautiful storm
I want to find the eye
plant myself there
promise you it will be over one day
you are a spectrum of warmth
yellow, orange, red, pink
this is how I think of you
a bright, comfortable palette
you make me want to be happy
even as tears fall down my cheeks
breathing in and out
imagining a million adventures
with you
20.
let’s smoke cigarettes on the porch in our underwear
and avoid the obvious conversation
let’s go have sex again
and again
just fuck me
and ignore how intimate we can be
let’s forget that we held each other all night
as soon as we wake up
and i’ll keep pretending that I don’t love you
21.
I like the way that you did your hair today, in two braids with a white bandana running through them. Do you do it like that everyday? Or was this your fun, new hairstyle you wanted to try out while shopping through gently used goods?
And you too, driving down the street in the lane next to me, red sunglasses on belting out all of the words to some 80s bop, or at least I assume it’s 80s music because I can’t hear anything.
And I can’t forget the person with the white, curly thin hair that scanned my bananas, ground coffee and scotch tape at the grocery store. You asked “How’s your day going?” and I replied honestly, “Pretty good so far, how about you?”.
You don’t know me and I don’t know you. But I was so happy to meet you, even though it was from afar. I look forward to it everyday. Nice to meet you, stranger I haven't met yet.
22.
like river swimming
like passing notes
or tired cats
like parsley dipped in salt water
or poorly made coffee mugs
or napping in the car
like cold peaches in the summer
when I spit the pits in the grass